The First Annual Beardy Awards!!

That is right ladies and gentlemen, it is that time of year. Time to think about all of the great games that have come out this year and then assign awards to them. Why? Why the hell not?

The awards are based on the games I've played so bear with me if something you love doesn't win. I may not have played it this year.

So, without further adieu...here are the awards. We'll start with some small ones and build up to the grand daddy of them all...GAME OF THE YEAR!

Best Voice Acting

This was a tough one...as games get closer and closer to movies, voice acting has become an integral part of the experience. Gone are the days when voice acting was a second thought and the quality was usually terrible. It used to be surprising when a game actually took the time to get some decent voice work in. Now though, games are becoming more and more cinematic, and with that comes some amazing voice work. I had to really spend a lot of time thinking about this one but in the end, there was one game that stood out above the rest and it was really the work of one man that gave the edge to this game over any other. That man...is Mark Hamill.

...and the winner is (I kind of gave it away there)

BATMAN: ARKHAM CITY

Mark Hamill as the Joker is probably my favorite performance by any voice actor ever, whether it be game or movie. His portrayal of the Clown Prince of Crime is absolutely perfect. The tone and inflection of his voice chills you to the bone and his laugh is timeless. Now obviously, if the rest of the voice acting was poor, Batman wouldn't have won. However, every voice actor in that game is of the utmost quality. You can tell the care was put forth to make Batman a game of the highest quality and it shows throughout every facet.

...Runner Up

LA NOIRE

LA Noire is a game that easily could have won for best voice acting. I was really torn for awhile over whether or not to give it the nod over Batman. The scale of the voice acting is truly impressive considering the rather gigantic cast of characters. The biggest issue with LA Noire though is the sometimes spotty interaction between characters. Too many interrogations that jump from yelling and screaming back to calm relaxed chat back to yelling again. It was wonky and awkward and took away from the experience a bit.

...Honorable Mention

BASTION

Not every category will have an honorable mention but I felt like I had to say something about Bastion. When it came down to it, I never considered it for best acting only because it is all the work of one man, and the scope of the other games was much greater. If I were doing an award for best use of voice acting, then Bastion would win hands down. The narrator, with his deep gravelly voice, keeps you in the game. He weaves the tale set out before you. Rather then use cutscenes and flashy visuals to explain the history of Bastion, the narrator seamlessly crafts a story as you progress along.

Best Comeback Franchise

Another difficult decision between two games with very different comeback stories. One franchise had fallen so far from grace that they had to start back from the drawing board and completely re-imagine the franchise as a whole. The other franchise made a massive comeback by going back to what made it so great in the first place. In the end, the winner was the game that made the bigger overall comeback.

...and the winner is

DRIVER: SAN FRANCISCO

Within the first 20 minutes of playing this game I had a thought about it being the biggest comeback I've ever played. The Driver franchise was poop. Just stinky poop from a butt. Along with everyone else, I had written off the franchise and assumed it was dead. The last Driver game was so bad that I don't even remember it. It's like my brain closed off that section of memories to protect me from the horror contained within. Driver: SF completely reinvigorated the franchise, like a defibrillator to the chest of a heart attack victim, it brought it back from the dead. Taking away everything but the meat of the game was step one. The game is called Driver, not Walker, so let's just not ever have to walk. You play a cop in a coma who is dreaming and trying to wake up. In your dreams though, you have the ability to QUANTUM LEAP into anyone driving around the city. This leads to you helping out some Asians in over their head with street racing, get dying people to the hospital, or prevent bad guys from doing bad things. Being able to warp from car to car and send people smashing into bad guys is one of the most fun things I've done all year. Kudos to Driver: San Francisco...you used your necromancy to bring a dead franchise back to life.

...Runner Up

MORTAL KOMBAT

Mortal Kombat almost won this category. It was a very close call. Mortal Kombat is a better game overall than Driver: SF but in the end it didn't win because it wasn't as big of a comeback. While the MK franchise had fallen off quite a bit, it never fell as far as Driver did. I love that Mortal Kombat became awesome again by undoing all of the crap and going back to what made the franchise awesome in the first place...fighting and gratuitous violence. They got rid of all of the fighting styles and weak crappy characters, and just made the game fun again. Then there are the fatalities..oh my, the fatalities. No other game this year made me as uncomfortable as MK did at times. Ripping people in half as Noob Saibot actually made me slightly queasy. Each character has multiple fatalities that are all brutal as hell, and the blood and gore and violence is what made Mortal Kombat great back in the day and it is no different now.

(OK, I'm writing too much about each award and I'm never going to finish so I'm cutting the writing way down so this can be done and I can write about other things.)

BEST DOWNLOADABLE TITLE

A lot of really good downloadable titles this year but one really stood way above the rest.

and the winner is...

BASTION

Really head and shoulders above the rest of the games released this year, Bastion stands out due to it's excellent story telling and gameplay. An old school feel with a twist all being narrated by the smoothest voice you could ask for. A winning combination for sure.

Runner up

Outland

Quietly released with little to no fanfare, Outland is still the most gorgeous XBLA title I've played to date. The gameplay is a mix of sword fighting platforming and color changing bullet hell, and it seamlessly blends to make an excellent game. I think a lot of people missed this one and that is a shame.

QUICKY GENRE AWARDS

Best Fighting - Mortal Kombat

Honorable Mention - Marvel Vs. Capcom 3

Best RPG - Skyrim

Honorable Mention - Dragon Age 2

Best Sports - Fight Night: Champion

Honorable Mention - Madden 2012

Best Shooter - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

Honorable Mention - Gears of War 3

Best Horror - Dead Space 2

Honorable Mention - Resident Evil 4 (XBLA Release)

Best Platforming - Rayman: Origins

Honorable Mention - Sonic: Generations

and now for the final award...GAME OF THE YEAR

When I decided to do these awards, game of the year was obviously my first though. A lot of games passed through my mind, but no matter what they all fell short when compared with the winner. In the end, it was never really close because one game just flew miles above every other in terms of overall quality. Nothing against the games that didn't win, there were some amazing games this year, but only one can be the 2011 BEARDY AWARD WINNER FOR GAME OF THE YEAR.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

I know, I know, nothing surprising here. Just about every publication named Skyrim game of the year. It is for good reason though. The quality and craftsmanship of Skyrim is above and beyond just about anything ever seen in a game before. Story, graphics, music, everything is top notch. The exploration in the game is nothing short of amazing with literally a million things to find. I've been playing on and off since day 1 and will probably not be done for another year. It's the kind of game that will be entertaining for a long time and in this day and age, that is a great accomplishment. Even if Skyrim represents a genre you are not interested in, you have to respect the sheer scope of the game. Hats off to you, Skyrim. Today you're a winner.

Honorable Mention: Batman: Arkham City

Definitely the second best game of the year, and really the only other game I considered giving the award to. In the end, Arkham City doesn't lose by anything it did wrong, it loses because the competition was too much. Any other year and Arkham City is a clear winner. Kudos to you, Batman!

I Am Batman

The title of this post is really the most simple way to explain Batman: Arkham City. You are Batman. No other game captures the spirit of being Batman quite like Arkham City. Arkham Asylum came close but in hindsight it was more like a simulator training you to be Batman. Arkham City completely unlocks what being Batman is all about. Swinging through the city at night, solving mysteries, fighting crime, all while engaging in an overall story arc involving super villains. Batman, Batman, Batman.

Combat has been mostly unchanged from the original game. There are some new moves and gadgets, but it flows exactly the same way. It was pretty much perfect in Arkham Asylum so not changing a whole lot makes perfect sense. What they did though, was hone it to near perfection. Boiled down to it's basics it is still punch, punch, punch, counter, counter, punch and you can win just about every fight like that. It's when you mix in Batman's utility belt of gadgets that it really gets spiced up. Leaving small amounts of explosive gel on the ground while flipping then blowing it up and stunning a group of enemies, or whipping a bad guy in the face with a batarang in the middle of a combo, or tossing an ice grenade at someone and freezing them, or whatever your imagination desires...it's all possible and it's all awesome. This is how Batman fights, with his wits as much as with his brawn and skill. Racking up a wicked high combo feels awesome(so I've been told, I max out around 25 hits or so).

The biggest change from Asylum to City has to be the actual map. Arkham Asylum was a small map located on an island outside of Gotham. There were a handful of buildings, some caves and tunnels, and that was it. You ended up revisiting the same areas a lot and the variety wasn't all that great. Arkham City on the other hand, is a living, breathing piece of metropolis. It's gritty and dark and beautiful. Everything is perfectly detailed, there is no wasted space at all. I'm not sure how much bigger the map is then in Asylum but it is at least 3 times as big, and swinging and gliding around all of it is breathtaking to say the least. There are now goons everywhere to fight, sidequests to solve around every corner, hidden riddler trophies are all over the place(and a lot more cleverly hidden), and enough other side content to keep you busy for weeks.

I'm not going to say the game is perfect so that means I have to complain about something. Some of the boss fights are a little uninspired or just don't plain happen like you think they will. There a few situations where you are expecting a kick ass fight aaaaannnnnnd...nothing happens. It's a little disappointing. Also, there is a game mechanic in particular that I found annoying. There are multiple parts where you have to make a little ice shelf to stand on and then pull yourself around with the grappling hook. It's tedious and they use it quite a bit. These are really minor complaints and I normally wouldn't even mention them, but I feel obligated to say something negative if I'm going to say a game isn't flawless so there you go.

The story is solid, there are some nice twists and surprises (FUCK YOU KOTAKU) and it is paced well. The side missions pop up during play so if you do them as you go it can easily take 20+ hours to finish the game. If you go searching for every riddler trophy, you're looking at around 40 probably. I was into the story quite a bit so I skipped a lot of the side stuff along the way and I finished it in probably 10...maybe 12. It never gets boring, though if you install the Catwoman stuff it gets interspersed into the gameplay. You play as her first, then another mission soon after, then you get nothing but Batman until near the end and BAM! they throw another Catwoman part at you. I hated how they mixed it in at the end, I was into being Batman and they completely interrupted me. Playing as Catwoman is interesting. She is a hell of a lot faster than Batman and can cling to chain link ceilings and her cleavage is always out and she does sexy slides that don't seem to be the most functional but overall her parts feel unnecessary. I kind of wish they hadn't bothered mixing it in, or at least given her a bigger role and fleshed (OH HO HO) her out a little more.

What can I say, it's Batman. They did manage what I thought was impossible and made a game that met or exceeded everyone's expectations. It's the closes thing most of us (present company excluded) will ever get to being Batman. Now that it's done, I'm left frothing at the mouth for more like a rabid, starved wolverine in a butcher shop full of delicious smoked meats. I've still got a fair amount of game left to play too. It will be a while before I'm done with the sheer joy of just plain being THE BATMAN.

Gears of War 3: San Francisco Jam!

There aren't too many releases that get the blood flowing quite like a new Gears game. The latest one, which came out this week, is the third and supposedly final game in the Gears series...I doubt that. The game sells way too well for them to just stop making them. Something tells me we'll see a Ge4rs of War before too long.

If you've ever played Gears of War or the sequel then you basically already know what to expect from the single player campaign. Visceral cover based combat against relentless enemies, huge boss fights set in a post apocalyptic world, guns and bullets and blood and guts and boomers. Aside from new locales, new enemies, and new weapons, there is little changed about Gears of War 3. It plays basically exactly the same as the first two games and that's alright with me. If it ain't broke...don't fix it.

The story is excellent and has quite a few BIG moments to it. I'm not going to talk about it because I don't like taking the chance of spoiling anything for anyone, but they big moments are quite BIG. All I'll say is at the end it does wrap up in a way that makes it look like the trilogy is over, but I just won't believe it until I see it. The franchise is far too valuable to just stop making games with the Gears name. The game is pretty short, about the same length as previous games which means it can easily be beat on normal difficulty within the first or second day. However, there is a ton of online content, and I'll be talking about that some more...next Game Beard. I haven't played enough of it to talk about it here.

Next is my surprise game of the year. Crawling from the depths of franchise hell comes a shocker of a good game...Driver: San Francisco. I, like many others, assumed the Driver franchise was done. After some mediocre to bad games, I figured they were done with it. When I heard about this game, I was surprised, but my expectations were extremely low based on the previous entries. However, I am very happy to say, Driver: San Francisco shattered my expectations and pulled this dead and bloated franchise out of the murky water and back into the hearts of gamers everywhere...or at least back into my heart.

The game is good...very good. They took the formula, distilled out all the extra crap, and just left the meat of what makes a good driving game...driving. There is nothing on foot, the only time you aren't in a car is when you're floating above the city deciding which driver to possess next...wait, what? Driver handles the out of car stuff very simply. You're character is in a coma, so he can enter a ghost mode at any time and switch cars. This extends beyond just picking a car for a challenge. If the challenge is to take down a runaway thief, you can possess the cars ahead of them and drive them directly into their path to take them down with vicious ferocity. The story is out there a bit, but honestly, I didn't care. I was having too much fun possessing drivers and racing cars.

The story is a bit bleh, but I barely noticed. Honestly, there really could have been no story and just a series of challenges and I still would have loved the game. The driving is a nice arcade style that requires skill, but also can be handled by gaming novices. Some of the late challenges get downright brutal and only the most seasoned player will get through them. There are a ton of different licensed vehicles, from super cars to pickup trucks to DeLoreans, the latter of which has a special bonus if you go over 88mph.

Finally I'm going to talk about a game that's been out for awhile but I only just recently played. The new and improved NBA JAM! I waited a long time to get it because frankly, I didn't feel it was worth full retail price. I finally found a price I could swallow and purchased it. I was definitely right in waiting, it's a really good game, but there is very little meat to it.

It's the exact same formula as the original NBA Jam, 2 on 2 basketball with 3 players per team being available. You push and shove opponents while dunking from the free throw line with great ferocity. Hit 3 shots in a row without your opponent scoring and you go ON FIRE! This doesn't seem to have the same impact it used to. I remember in the old SNES game when you were ON FIRE! pretty much every shot went in. In the new version the difference seems to be negligible other then your dunks getting bigger and better. I can't say a whole lot more about it...it's NBA Jam. It's basically the exact game they made in the past with some shinier graphics. This isn't a bad thing, per se, but I was hoping for a little more. Worth the $15 I paid for it, but not much more.

Another brilliant installment of The Game Beard will be coming your way soon. Next time I'll be talking about Resident Evil 4HD, maybe some about upcoming games I'm interested in like Batman, Skyrim, and Uncharted 3. Also, look for a new top ten list coming your way hopefully sooner rather then later.

Captain America and the NFL. I've Got Patriotism Running Through My Veins

Been too long since I last got my blog on. Been playing a fair amount of games lately and I'm going to do a few updates over the course of the next week or so to catch up. This update will be dedicated to two things every blue blooded American patriot should love. Captain America and NFL Football.

So I'll start with Madden 2012. Before I talk about it, let me just say that Madden and I have a history. I've been buying and playing Madden football since 1994, the first year it was on the SNES. I still remember the infamous error where the New York Giants and New York Jets had their entire rosters switched. I was there for the switch from pixels to polygons, when the hit stick was added, hot routes, blah blah blah. All of the changes. I've watched the game take big steps forward and then take big steps backward. I've bought the new version and been immediately disappointed by the lack of change some years.

Now that all of that is out of the way and I've been confirmed as a "Madden expert" let's talk about 2012(not the mediocre John Cusack film).

The game looks good. Not a huge graphical overhaul from 2011 but it's noticeable. There hasn't really been a leap forward in terms of graphics for some time. It's alright though, the game looks good as is and doesn't really need to be tweaked right now.

There are substantial gameplay changes. For the first time the blocking and tackling in this year's Madden is not magnetic. Meaning that in the old versions when a tackler or blocker got close, the players would be magnetically drawn in to the tackle or blocking animations. It makes for a much more realistic game. Running the ball is fantastic with the new blocking. You can watch which direction players will be forced and wait for holes to open up in the line. It's the most realistic running game Madden has ever offered.

The passing game hasn't changed much, but the passing defense has. You really need to read the defense and know football on the harder difficulties or you will throw a lot of interceptions. The middle linebacker is freaking Superman though. He will knock down a ton of passes over the middle and make impossible reads. It's not very realistic in that regard. It's awesome though to make the correct read and fire an accurate pass into the hands of your receiver as he cuts in front of the defender for a split second. It's realistic and tough and fulfilling.

The biggest leap this season are the changes to franchise mode. You can finally trade future draft picks (though only one year ahead), free agent signing have become more like a race. As soon as a player is offered a deal, a clock starts ticking. When it runs to zero whichever team has put up the best offer gets the player. It isn't necessarily realistic, but it works well for a video game and it is an improvement over the old system. Scouting rookies has been improved as well. You can scout a number of players ahead of time and get an idea of how good they are before the draft. Again, not perfect, but better. Rosters are handled better, allowing 75 players when preseason starts. Cut downs are made weekly until brought back to the regular season roster size. It allows you to keep rookies and free agents that you are unsure of. You'll be given a question marked rating (which is often way off) with the actual rating being shown after you decide whether to keep them or not. Once yet again, not perfect, but better.

And that's the theme of Madden 2012...not perfect, but better. A step in the right direction with some solid bulding blocks for the future.

Now to discuss everyone's favorite super soldier, Captain America. I rented the game based on very little but it looked good enough, and I'm a pretty big fan of the Captain. My first impression of the game was "Batman: Arkham Asylum Lite" The gameplay borrows heavily from Arkham Asylum but is never quite as good. You fight with basic combos, when an enemy attacks, he glows and you can press a button to dodge or counter then continue your combat. It's never as flowing as Arkham Asylum but it still works pretty well. Hell, Captain America even has a sort of "Detective Mode" where you can make ledges and pipes glow, showing you possible pathways you can take.

I haven't seen the movie so I don't know if it follows the plot line but the plot in the game is pretty basic. Captain America thwarting some nazi plans with his fists and vibranium shield. There is some stuff about a giant robot and whatever, I didn't really pay attention. It wasn't honestly that interesting.

The biggest issue I had with the game is the mass of collectibles. Virginal statuettes, cowl and gloves, Prussian helmets, blah blah blah. So many things to collect. CERAMIC EGGS. 50 ceramic eggs, hidden throughout the battlefield for Captain America to find and store...in his magic pouch I guess. I think more impressive then Captain America single handedly fighting and defeating an army of nazis is his ability to carry 50 ceramic eggs unbroken while doing it. The military should be proud. None of the collectibles are particularly hard to find and they all show up on the map, but it takes you out of the game and you have to walk to every nook and cranny while nazis are advancing their plans around you.

For a movie licensed game, Captain America is a solid effort. Better than most of them, that's for sure. The graphics aren't going to impress anyone, and the frame rate often drops making the action choppy at time, but the overall package is worth the time. It's not a long game, I had it done with 1000 gamerscore in less then 10 hours, but it's long enough. Any longer and it would have been too long though. It's not a good enough game to compel you to play it for any longer then you have to.

That's it for this edition. Hopefully another will be along soon. I've still got Driver: San Francisco, Deus Ex, NBA Jam, Lego: Pirates of the Caribbean, Brink, The Maw, Test Drive Unlimited 2, The Saboteur, and other games to talk about. Not to mention Gears of War 3 and Resident Evil 4 HD coming on Tuesday. I'll be bearding a lot about these games so look forward to a lot of updates in the future.

Simple Title: Bastion

It's been too long since I've last Gamebearded about anything so it's time to fix that. Today's gamebeard is brought to you by Bastion and all of it's awesomeness.

It's no secret I'm a big fan of Xbox Live Arcade games. I own something like 70 of them and spend close to as much time playing them as I do actual $60 disc games. They are cheaper then full price titles and oftentimes just as good if not better. Bastion is one of the best I've ever played. A while back I did a top 10 XBLA games list and I've been trying to decide where it should fit on that list. Right now, I'm thinking #1.

It's such a harkening to old school games that I was immediately turned on to it. Isometric adventure games immediately make me think of Link to the Past and that is perfect for me considering it is one of my favorites. I watched a few trailers for Bastion and my passion for gaming got fired up. It looked like everything I wanted. When it was released I bought it immediately...then had to wait 2 days to play it. I was concerned the wait would lead to disappointment if the game didn't live up to my now quite lofty expectations. However, I was pleasantly surprised. It really was all I wanted and more.

When you strip away all of the fanciness, Bastion is a pretty standard action/adventure game. You use various weapons and powers to fight through enemies, collecting little colored bits that you use to level weapons, all while trying to save the world. The gameplay isn't going to surprise anyone. It's the fanciness that sets Bastion apart from other similar games. The glossy delicious details. The most noticeable of these is the narrator. He is given a name later but initially he is known as the stranger. He kind of acts like a play by play announcer, generally talking about the area you are in, making comments about your actions, and basically filling in the entire story for you. His voice is that of a chain smoking jazz musician and it is perfect for the task at hand. I'm not going to say anything at all about the story because it is so good I would hate to ruin even the slightest detail. Just know that The Stranger tells the entire tale in his awesomely smooth voice.

The graphics in Bastion are excellent. A colorful world full of strange creatures, and lush and varied environments await you. The stages range from overgrown tropical forests, to burnt out industrial warrens. Each level expands as you walk on it, the ground rising up from the abyss below to fill in where you are going. It's a cool effect and it happens throughout the entire game. It is possible to fall off of the level but you merely take some damage and fall back in from the top of the screen, causing damage to enemies if you land on them. The enemy variety is pretty decent. Bastion isn't a terribly long game, so there wasn't a need for 100 different enemy types. There may not be a lot, but each enemy is well crafted and bring something different to the table. It never gets boring or repetitive.

Bastion is the perfect example of an arcade game done completely right. It's nearly perfect. In fact, the only major flaw I can come up with is that when it was over, I wanted more. Not that the game seemed short, I don't know if I could have ever had enough. The New Game + feature is nice as it allows a second playthrough with levels and weapons in tact, but I wanted more original game. I guess being so good that I wanted more game isn't technically a flaw, but it's the best I could come up with.

I feel like there is a lot more to be said about Bastion but I'd have to go into the story and I don't want to do that even a tiny bit. The game opens without the player having any clue what is going on and that is how it should be. I'd hate to think there is a chance at all that I could ruin the experience for someone so I'm keeping my mouth shut about it.

Singularity and Lara Croft and Guardians of Light and No L.A. Noire

So, L.A. Noire has been put on the backburner for awhile. While I really do like the game and the technology involved with it, it started to drag a bit, and with my extremely limited gaming time, I wanted to spend it playing something I'm going to really have fun with. So, I put L.A. Noire away for a little while and popped in Singularity.

I didn't know much about Singularity outside of it being an FPS when I bought it. It was only $8 though and generally I'll buy almost any game for sub $10. So I put in the disc with very little previous knowledge, started playing, and so far I've been pleasantly surprised. Singularity is a great game. It has a very Bioshock feel to it, an abandoned location with people who have been mutated (though in Singularity they are much closer to monsters then humans) audio logs laying around to listen to to get backstory, scrawled messages on the walls, people talking to you over a com system, etc...

When the game first starts all you have is a knife then eventually a gun and it is pretty standard FPS fare. Singularity uses some jump out scares to try and catch you off guard, but for the most part the game isn't scary, it's creepy. The atmosphere of a burnt out school with charred corpses huddling under desks, will raise the hair on the back of your neck, while blood trails and disemboweled corpses will keep your trigger finger ready for action at all times.

I haven't played too far into the game yet, but I did get far enough to unlock the thing that seperates Singularity from other FPS's and makes it original. You gain a device that can control time. Not like slowing down and speeding it up(though it does slow down some enemies) but more like aging and renewing things. Once you unlock it, certain items will put an orange stripe on your hud or a blue stripe. The colors signify whether you can age or renew an item. Aging it will destroy it and leave it a broken husk, while renewing an item...well, renews it. So far it's been used pretty well, at one point I had to age a box, which caused it to collapse, then place it under a door, then renewed it to lift the door up so I could fit under it. You also use the device as a weapon, sometimes slowing down enemies, sometimes aging them into dust. I ran into one "portal" that when manipulated took me back in time to prevent the death of a scientist. When I went back to the present, he was there waiting for me. This is where I left off in the story, so I'll talk more about it next time.

Downloaded Lara Croft: The Guardians of Light last night because it was finally on sale for a mere 600 MS points. It was definitely points well spent. Delved into it last night late, after I was done playing Singularity, and finished the first level. I'm playing it solo right now and it is truly great, I can definitely imagine it will be even better playing coop. When you play solo you play as Lara and your partner (whose name escapes me at the moment) gives you a spear to use as well as your gun. I don't know if he keeps the spear in coop or not but I'm thinking that is how it might work. Hopefully I'll be able to play it coop soon and find out.

The game plays from a 3/4 isometric view (which I've always been a fan of) and controls using both sticks, left to move, right to aim, you hold the right trigger to fire. Y sets and detonates bombs. The spear is used as a weapon, and as a means to reach higher ledges. You can throw them into walls and jump on them. Lara is also equipped with a grappling device that, so far, I've only used a few times, It hooks to specific places only and Lara can climb up walls with it. I'm not sure if it will have a further purpose yet, but if it does, I'm sure I'll talk about it here.

Still have Dead Space 2 sitting and waiting, and today, I purchased Half -Minute Hero from the Arcade. Not sure when I'm going to play either of them but I'll have something to say soon. I'll probably try to get some time with Half-Minute Hero first so that this blog is at least a little up to date with newer games.

I won the Stanley Cup this week...in NHL '09. I'm tempted to upgrade to '10 or '11 but I'm not sure I'm going to. Maybe I'll look into '12...I'm just not that big of a Hockey fan. Now, football...that's another story. Madden '12 is coming in August and I'm starting to feel the Madden itch. THE MITCH! I'm not going to go too far into it but I definitely like what I'm reading about it. Improved Franchise Mode is the thing I'm most excited about. New ways of trading and signing free agents, this is stuff that hasn't really changed in years. The gameplay is always upgraded a little every year, so hearing they are finally addressing some of the meat and potatoes of the game...well, that's just the best news.

The Game Beard is out for now. Next time I'll get more into Singularity and Lara Croft, maybe into Half-Minute Hero and Dead Space 2, and maybe I'll even have finished L.A. Noire or Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. I think a post to talk about the titles I'm excited for that are coming this fall might be in order as well. WHO KNOWS? The Game Beard is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a fluffy beard.

A quick update-y post

Not much has been going on around here. Had to give LA Noire a break. I think it is because I'm stuck watching investigation and crime shows all day, and random cop dramas at night. Kind of takes away the fun of LA Noire. So, I started playing my season of NHL '09. Not a typo, still trying to finish a season of '09. I'm 1 game away from the Stanley Cup Finals! I'm going to do it!

Other then that, I picked up Dead Space 2 for $20 and Singularity for $8. Once I sink my teeth into them, I'll be doing some yapping about them too.

See everyone later.

Top Ten Songs in Video Games

Alright, I'm not talking licensed songs like in Grand Theft Auto, I'm talking music made specifically for the game it is found in. This is my list, not yours so if you don't agree, or have a song that didn't make it on the list, put it in the comments so I can be proven wrong.

I'm going to try to limit it to one song per game so Nobuo Oematsu doesn't completely dominate my list with FFVI. Also, this is not a list of the most iconic songs so you won't see The Super Mario Bros. theme, or the Zelda theme on here.

Now, ON TO THE LIST...and my first time including anything other then text in a blog post.

10. Wild Arms - Wild Arms Theme

What a great song. It really captured the wild west theme that the game sought out to portray. Whistling in songs is always welcome(as a matter of fact, several songs on this list include whistling). Just a great song to a great and underrated game.

9. FFVII - One Winged Angel

Yup, a final fantasy song but this one is one of the best. FFVII was packed with good music, but One Winged Angel stands out as the best song in the bunch. A difficult feat for sure. It's the song that plays during the final boss fight and it encompasses the battle perfectly. It's powerful and dramatic and sucks you right into the emotion of the moment.

8. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night - Dance of Pearls

This was another tough choice. Castlevania has always been known for excellent music and Symphony of the Night might be the best of the bunch, therefore, choosing one song was incredibly difficult. In the end though, I went with Dance of Pearls, the mesmerizing tune which plays on your way through Olrax's lair. There were a few other songs that easily could have gone here in it's place but in the end, and with some listening, Dance of Pearls wins by a nose.

7. Beyond Good and Evil - Home Sweet Home

Beyond Good and Evil might be the best game that very few people seemed to play. Hopefully with it's recent HD release on the Xbox Live Arcade and Playstation Network it will get more attention. Such a beautiful game, and such a beautiful song to accompany it. Home Sweet Home plays during the ending credits and it just ties together perfectly with the moment. Truly something that everyone should hear.

6. Blue Dragon - Eternity(Boss Theme)

I've heard people agree with me about how awesome this song is, and I've heard people talk about how horrible it is. Either way though, it leads to discussion. It sounds like an 80's rock anthem, probably because it was performed by an 80's rocker. Ian Gillian was the lead singer and lyricist for Deep Purple for a number of years and even sang lead for Black Sabbath for a year. The song repeats a lot during every boss fight in the game and it does a great job getting and keeping you pumped up for the fight. It's big and loud and awesome.

5. Katamari Damacy - Que Sera Sera

This was a tough one. I struggled for awhile deciding between this and Katamari on the Rocks(NA NAAAA NANANANANA NA NA N-NA NA NA NA NAAA). I nthe end I went with Que Sera Sera because when I first got the soundtrack I listened to it about 20 times straight and I just absolutely love it. Katamari on the Rock is a fantastic song in it's own right, and definitely the better known of the two, but Que Sera Sera with it's lounge-y sound and awesome lyrics (I want to wad you up into my life) wins the day in my heart, and if we aren't listening to our hearts, then what's the point?

4. Nier - Song of the Ancients/Devola

There are 4 versions of the Song of the Ancients: Devola, Popola, Fate, and Hollow Dreams. They are all excellent, and I had a hard time picking one for this list. In the end I went with Devola because frankly, it is simply a beautiful piece of music. Hell, every song in this game is fantastic. Whether or not you like the game itself (of which there is a lot of debate) the music in it is top notch. Song of the Ancients/Devola is the best diamond in a pile of other diamonds.

3. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater - Snake Eater

Oh man, Snake Eater...one of the best games I've ever played, and this is one of the best songs ever crafted for a game. It is the only song on this list that I also have had as a ringtone. It's a direct ripoff of an old James Bond type theme and it is simply brilliant. It is the perfect accompaniment to the game. The lyrics are kind of ridiculous at time but that just adds to the charm. You can tell it was written tongue-in-cheek. The melody and vocals are amazing. I almost made this number one but a couple of songs from the same composer just edged it out. It was close though.

2. Lost Odyssey - Neverending Journey

I love Lost Odyssey. It's the best RPG released on the current generation of consoles and it hold up against a lot of the best RPG's of all time. The music in it was done by famed composer Nobuo Oematsu, probably best known for scoring a lot of Final Fantasy games. In fact, his music takes up the top 2 spots on the countdown. Neverending Journey is the music that plays when you are on the world map. The song is so damn good that it is responsible for adding hours to my overall game time as I just left it running over and over so I could enjoy it. It's another song with whistling in it and a couple of minutes in, the song really kicks in high gear. Awesome, awesome, awesome song and only gets beat out for number one due to nostalgia and emotion.

1. FFVI - Aria di Mezzo Carattere

Known by most simply as the "Opera House song" Aria di Mezzo Carattere is an absolute gorgeous piece of music. What makes it more amazing is how limited music was by cartridge based systems of the past. The notes used to represent the singing create a haunting tone that really makes you feel the music. The lyrics (as read on screen) really aren't anything fantastic though they speak of a love seperated by distance and war but that really has nothing to do with the quality of the song. I chose it for number one because of how much emotion it pulls out of you without a single word. I'm sure a lot of it is nostalgia as well, but in the end Aria di Mezzo Carattere or The Opera House song is my personal favorite piece of video game music ever composed. Listen to it and enjoy.

Nier is a good game

It really is. Don't listen to what anyone says over in this place unless they are agreeing with me...

http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=136647&page=45

Still No Gaming

Still little to no gaming going on and probably won't be any for a couple of weeks at least. I have been playing a fair amount of Pokemon: White since my DS is one of the only things I can play and I'm nearing the end. This is a milestone moment for me...a chance to finish a Pokemon game, a feat I have never accomplished in the past. I haven't checked a walkthrough or anything, but I'm fairly certain I'm right at the end. I've got all 8 badges, I've beat the guy they made out to be the end boss, I've captured the legendary Zekrom...I'm right at the cusp...and of course, I don't feel like playing it anymore. I'm thinking I'm going to finally pop in Dragon Quest IX but if I do before I finish Pokemon then there is a real chance that I never finish it at all. This used to be a big issue for me, I would fight until the end of a game then never finish it. I don't really know why but lately I've overcome it and have been sure to finish most every game I've played.

I do have my PS3 hooked up and during the brief times I've found to play it, I've split the time between Wipeout and Demon's Souls. I got Wipeout for free as part of Sony's WHOOPS package, alone with Dead Nation. It's been a week and I'm still waiting for Dead Nation to finish downloading. Wipeout is fantastic though a bit shallow. I really have fun with it and it is absolutely gorgeous to look at, but their is something missing from the gameplay. I can't quite put my finger on it but it might be that is lacks punch or oomph. When you crash into another vehicle at 800mph the experience should be bone shattering as opposed to feeling like a fist bump with your bro. It doesn't ruin the game, but it does detract from it's overall awesomeness.

Demon's Souls is old, I know, but I was really late to get it and it is the kind of game I can only spend a little bit of time on each time I play it. The game is kind of like S&M in that you better enjoy being beaten if you want to play. It's brutally and unapologetically difficult. It doesn't care about you. Demon's Souls isn't going to hold you hand, instead it will rip your arm off and beat you, not to death, because death would show mercy. Demon's Souls beats you until you are begging for death, then it revives you and beats you again.

Dark Souls is coming out this year and despite looking awesome as all hell, I'm torn on whether or not to buy it. I'm going to base my decision on how far into Demon's Souls I get. If I haven't beat it, I'm not buying Dark Souls until I do. Or, I'll just wait to find Dark Souls cheap and snatch it up.

I need another great RPG to play. Last time I had this feeling I picked up Lost Odyssey and it was an excellent decision. Right now though, as I look through the list of Xbox and PS3 RPG's I haven't played, there just isn't anything grabbing me. I'm considering Eternal Sonata but I've been avoiding it for years because it just doesn't look perfectly appealing to me. Most likely, I'll finally start Resonance of Fate which has been sitting on my shelf collecting dust for quite a while. Not going to happen until we get all moved into our own place though. If, and it's a big if, I actually get any time on my 360, I'll be finishing L.A. Noire.

That's it for this entry I guess. Nothing terribly interesting to talk about since I'm not playing any games right now. Look forward to another top 10 list coming as soon as a write it, and hopefully, a final write up for L.A. Noire when I finish it.

Gabbing about E3

Well, The Game Beard finds himself in a position where he can't really play many video games so I've got nothing specific to talk about. Still haven't played anymore LA Noire! Soon, I will figure out how to do some gaming and get back to my multi-part LA Noire discussion.

However, since I've played absolutely nothing in a couple weeks, I'm going to talk about E3 instead.

Let's start with Microsoft. The Xbox 360 had a pretty solid showing at E3. MS showed some Kinect support though there is still a pretty severe lack of any type of serious gaming for their hands free motion controller. I bought one pretty soon after it came out and am pretty much done with Kinect Sports, Kinect Adventures, and Dance Central. They did show Dance Central 2, which looks pretty fun, but nothing blew me away for the Kinect and that disappoints me. I was hoping 2011 would be the year of the Kinect and it doesn't look that way. They did show some Kinect compatibility for games like Fable and some EA sports games but it is mostly just added features. It concerns me greatly that Microsoft doesn't know how to apply their motion controller to more serious gaming applications but we'll see. Maybe 2012 will be the year of the Kinect (I doubt it). Strongly considering selling mine at this point.

Halo fans can rejoice as Microsoft and 363 Studios promised not one, not two, but three new Halo games for the future. They showed off some footage of Halo 4 and also announced a remake of the original with improved graphics and online play.

Some solid demos of Gears 3, the new Tomb Raider game (which I'm absolutely pumped for) and of course Modern Warfare 3(which I'm not). They also showed a new emphasis on home entertainment announcing live TV and streaming music all controllable via Kinect with voice and hand communication. Nothing extremely exciting but it all looks pretty good.

Sony surprised me and a lot of other people when it announced the price point for it's new do-everything handheld. They also gave it an official name...the Vita! And it won't cost $599 US Dollars! It's only going to cost $249 which suddenly thrusts out of disinterested and into very interested. I never owned a PSP because Sony refused to lower the price of their original handheld for ages. The Vita is going to be a lot more then the PSP though. They finally have dual analog sticks to go along with a multi-touch display. It has a bunch of stuff I don't particularly care about like front and rear cameras, a 3G option for another $50, and a bunch of other stuff I'll never use. It also has some kickass specs under the hood and they showed some great demos of games like Modnation Racers and LittleBigPlanet. Color me excited(I always say it is hot pink). Sony also showed off the game I'm most excited for this holiday season, Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception, and it looks ridiculous as expected. Nothing else particularly stood out for Sony. The Vita is the big announcement and it looks pretty promising. It's slated for a holiday 2011 release right now.

Nintendo just wrapped up their conference and the big announcement was, of course, the predecessor to the Wii. It has a name now, the WII U! and a controller, a gigantic 6"+ touchscreen monstrosity, and a stable of future games. Nintendo finally catches up with Sony and Microsoft and leaps into the HD era (about 6 years too late) planning to release the Wii U sometime in 2012. Apparently all the old Wii accessories will still work on it, but it is going to be powerful enough to run games like Batman: Arkham City, Dirt, Ninja Gaiden 3, etc...all of which will have been playable on 360 or PS3 for months before the Wii U is released. Probably the coolest feature is the ability to play the console on the controller's touch screen. So if your wife wants to watch Army Wives and you want to play whatever first party Nintendo game is out at the time, you can both be happy! The controller has a camera too because every electronic device released after the Geneva Convention is required by international law to have a camera on it.

Outside of that Nintendo showed off the new Zelda and blah, blah, blah. The Wii U is really all of the news for Nintendo. It's looks intriguing as all hell. I'm very interested in how much this 6.2" touchscreen controller that can stream games is going to cost.

Overall, it's been a pretty decent E3. Two new consoles unveiled and some really good looking games. Oh, I almost forgot to talk about Battlefield 3 which looks to seriously unseat Modern Warfare as the king of first person war shooters with online action and tanks. Seriously though, it looks amazing. I've never been a big Battlefield guy, spending my time instead with Modern Warfare but Battlefield 3 has converted me like hall of famer Rod Carew to Judaism. The new "Frostbite" engine looks amazing, and they stressed relentlessly about how it will be "subscription free".

E3 is always an exciting time and this year has been no different. Exciting new games, new consoles, new ip's and old ip's, remakes, collections, etc...it all adds up to another expensive holiday season and a promising 2012 for gamers everywhere.

Middle Ground

So, The Game Beard has been busy lately doing things that are unfortunately not playing video games. Been moving and traveling and right now, I am currently away from my Xbox and PS3 and I'm so very sad. However, before I left, I did pass what I assume is the halfway point of LA Noire, so I'm going to talk about it.

It's such an interesting game to talk about because it does so many new things. As a concept and an idea, LA Noire is one of the best games I've ever played. In it's execution though, a little is left lacking, kind of like the final coat of paint. As amazing as LA Noire is right now, if they continue to make games in this style and keep fixing small problems, I think we will look back and see that LA Noire is a very flawed game. There are it's obvious flaws, such as horrendous handling with the vehicles, and the acting involved during interrogations can leave you feeling like everyone in 1940's LA suffers from Tourette's, but what I'm mostly talking about are it's underlying flaws. Things that people don't even know they are wrong until they do them differently with the sequel and try to go back and play the original. A good example could be in the way they have you look for clues. Right now, it works well. You traverse the crime scene on foot and the controller gently vibrates when you are near an area you can search. You press the button to check out the item or items, rotate them in your hands or observe them deeper. Any clues you find are jotted down in your police notebook and you move on to the next clues. The game plays some mysterious sounding music while at the crime scene and when you've found all of the clues, the music stops. It is a system that works right now, but I'm sure can be improved upon with a sequel. This is what I'm talking about when I say "flaws". You don't really notice the problem until it is improved with the next game, which I'm sure there will be.

I haven't been immersed in a game like this is a long time. It really sucks you in with it's big-budget acting and excellent story. I literally find myself missing the game while I'm away from it. I got distracted a bit while looking for side items and such, but I am always thinking about what is going to happen next with the story. The characters have realistic and engaging personalities, so you actually care what happens to them. The city itself is alive and just cruising around really brings you to 1940's LA. I've heard people who are from LA make comments about just how accurate it is.

I'll make one more blog post about LA Noire after I finish it and give my final opinions then. Right now though, they are still off the charts. It's the kind of game you can't compare anything to because nothing like it has ever been done before. It's a truly original experience and that is a rarity these days.

Just a Brief Update

I'm not counting this as a full update but I wanted to come on here to talk about my early impressions of L.A. Noire.

First thing you notice is the polish. Rockstar does their games right. The graphics, the city, the voice acting...all top notch. Exactly what we've come to expect from Rockstar and they didn't disappoint.

I've played through 2 cases if you count the opening section as a case. It mostly short sections of different events in the game that worked as a tutorial so you could learn how all of the different police work...well, worked. So far, the game is pretty much exactly what I wanted it to be. The special facial work they did is really something you have to see. The mouths move perfectly in sync with the dialogue and the emotion conveyed in each of the characters' faces is unbelievable. I can see this technology really making an impact in the future.

The interrogation process is a lot like Phoenix Wright. You listen to the perp talk, watch his face to give away his emotion, then decide if they are lying or telling the truth. If they are lying, you need to present evidence that proves the lie. If you choose wrong, you'll lose valuable information. It works...it isn't perfect though. I've only been through one really short interrogation and I had to redo it about 3 times because I kept choosing wrong. We'll see how I feel about this after playing some more of the game.

That's really all I'm going to say right now until I spend more time with the game. I just wanted to get a quick impression up. Early in, this has the potential to be the game of the year. I really hope that opinion holds up as I play more. Keep checking back and I'll let you know.

10 Worst Video Game Characters of All Time

Title is pretty self-explanatory. This is my personal list of the 10 worst characters to ever appear in a video game. I tried to keep it to one character per series(though I failed in one instance) and I tried to avoid all of the cheesy, bland characters that showed up on the SNES.

Without further ado...here we go.

10. Vaan - FFXII

Final Fantasy has it's share of amazing characters: Shadow, Cecil, Kain, Cid, Sephiroth, and Terra immediately come to mind. However, Final Fantasy has also had its share of terrible, terrible characters. The worst of these is Vaan from Final Fantasy XII. It really was a toss-up between him and Tidus but Vaan won because of one scene; the infamous "I'm Captain Basch" scene. If you've played the game you know exactly what I'm talking about, if you haven't played the game you should, it's actually very, very good. However, prepare yourself for a very cringe worthy scene running through town yelling to people that you are, in fact. Captain Basch Fon Ronsenberg of Dalmasca!

9. Meat - Mortal Kombat: Armageddon

I think I had blacked Meat out of my brain and tucked him into the corner where I keep all of the terrible things I've seen and can't stand remembering. I was researching this article and thought to myself "Who is the worst Mortal Kombat character?" My initial thought was one of the many cookie cutter ninjas, Rain perhaps. But then I stumbled on an article about Meat and suddenly, like a blooming flower, a part of brain opened up and suddenly I remembered this atrocity of a character. Technically he made his first appearance in MK4 but he wasn't his own person until Armageddon. In 4 he was an alternate skin for any character. Just a meaty skeleton version with the same moves as whomever you selected. In Armageddon, they decided to "flesh" him out and make him his own man. He was apparently a failed experiment from Shang Tsung's "Flesh Pits" that escaped. His design was downright awful; a skinless humanoid male in a thong that constantly oozed blood and had an eye dangling from his head. His moveset was even worse then his design. Utilizing his own body parts, Meat would do things like roll his own head at his opponent, or yank out his eye cord, which when it snapped back would rejuvenate his health a little bit.

In a franchise with as many bad characters, it is hard to stand out. Meat is impressive for not only standing out as the worst, but he absolutely destroys the competition.

8. Otis - Dead Rising

Otis stands out on this list as the only character who doesn't have a particularly bad design. He's just an old, balding black man; nothing special at all to his appearance. However, he is exceedingly annoying. He spends the entire game calling Frank West to tell him about various things he notices at the mall: maybe a clothing store, or someone who needs help, Otis let's you know with a simple call to your two-way radio. He calls at the worst times sometimes. You can be surrounded by a thousand zombies and suddenly, Otis is calling. Still, this wouldn't be so bad if you could ignore him, but Otis will not be ignored...nor will he be hung up on. If he is telling you something and you suddenly molested by zombies and have to hang up, he will call you right back and give you a lesson in phone etiquette. If you don't answer, he will let it ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring....you get the idea. So, for his iron-willed persistence alone Otis makes the list as one of the worst characters ever.

7. Marumaro - Blue Dragon

Blue Dragon is an excellent game, lets get that out of the way. I spent so many hours playing it that I would slightly embarrassed to admit to just how many it was. None of the characters are particularly good in this game. It suffers from the art direction of Akira Toriyama who most people will know from Dragon Ball Z. Nothing against Toriyama but his designs are dreadfully boring. He has about 3 different characters and then throws buckles on them. Marumaro is a monster sort of looking fellow, but it isn't his design that puts him on this list. He also isn't worthless as a character. He tanks really well and can deal out some solid damage. What puts him on this list is his voice and dialogue. He's supposed to be a kid, so I suppose some of the stuff he says can be forgiven, but not all of it. Everytime he talked I wanted to shove 6 inches of steel into my ear so I wouldn't have to hear it again. It really is that bad. The worst voice I've ever heard in a game spouting out ridiculous, and childish dialogue. Marumaro...I salute you.

6. Bubsy - Multiple Bubsy Games

Bubsy wins the "Completely Generic Platformer" award. Back in the days of Sonic and Mario, people were trying to cash in on the whole platformer craze and Bubsy was a product of that attempt. To be fair, the first couple Bubsy games were actually pretty good, but as a character, Bubsy was a complete bust. An anthropomorphic bobcat wearing a long sleeved white shirt with an exclamation point on it and, as is still popular with anthropomorphic characters to this day, no pants. You know, I've never understood the no pants thing. Is it that hard to put pants on cartoon characters? Then, why do some of them wear pants and others don't? This is a discussion for another blog I suppose, but let it marinate in your brain for awhile. I needed to fill up this paragraph on Bubsy with something because I just can't talk that much about the most generic character ever. His name is Bubsy, that's all you need to know.

5. Bomberman - Bomberman: Act Zero

There isn't a lot to be said here. The original Bomberman is awesome. A Cutesy sort of fellow with black eyes and a nifty little bomberman suit. He's lovable and huggable and squeezable all at the same time. When I heard they were making a new Bomberman and they were changing the character I could immediately smell something bad...like poop left too long in the sun, but I was wrong; it was so much worse. They didn't just change Bomberman, they raped him and left him in a ditch. They took the squeezable Bomberman and turned him into some

X-TREME futuristic, hardcore, robot thing that would be terrible on it's own. However, as a recreation of an amazing and beloved character. the new Bomberman finds a place on my list as one of the ten worst characters ever. And that's all I'm going to say about that. It literally makes me sad to think about.

4. Navi - Zelda: Ocarina of Time

HEY, LISTEN! The spoken words of Navi, the fairy who guides you through Ocarina of Time. Everytime there is something to say, Navi spits out those words like poisonous venom to your ears. By the hundredth time you've heard them, you want nothing more then to kill Navi with Link's bare hands; starting with the wings then shoving them down her throat so she can never again spout out her infamous phrase. The worst part is, when you do "HEY, LISTEN" to her, she is usually telling you absolutely nothing you didn't already know. The Zelda series has always been one of my favorites and has plenty of likable characters and hilarious glitches; "I AM ERROR" It also is the only franchise to have two characters on this list, and the second on is coming up next...

3. Tingle - Multiple Zelda Games

Who is the mysterious Tingle? Is he some sort of God or immortal creature? Some sort of fairy or just a weird, possibly homosexual, dude dressed in tights that sells maps? Who the hell knows? What I do know is that he is a abomination of a character. Obnoxious to look at and listen to, Tingle is the worst of both worlds. I wonder who thought of him...who sat down and thought that this was a great character to add to the Zelda universe? I'd like to meet him and just slap his face, slap it right off. On top of the terrible everything else, Tingle also has one of the dumbest catchphrases in gaming history, "KOOLOO-LIMPAH!"

*Ok, so while looking up his catchphrase, I stumbled on some real information on Tingle that I didn't know because I can't stand the guy and didn't want to really have to research him. Apparently he is a 35 year old man skilled in cartography that is obsessed with forest fairies...I think this information actually makes him worse.

2. Big the Cat - Sonic Adventure

The Sonic series has no shortage of mediocre to terrible characters. Outside of Sonic and Dr. Eggman, it is a regular pageant of just awful character design. The one that stands out amongst all of the terrible though, is Big the Cat. If you've only ever played the fantastic side-scrolling 2D Sonic games that you've probably never encountered Big the Cat, and a heart congratulations to you! For the rest of us though, we've been forced to deal with this atrocious character several times. Besides being a big, fat, purple cat in a belt, Big the Cat's biggest crimes was breaking up a very good game with tedious and boring fishing levels. I swear, it was like whoever was designing the game thought to themselves, "This game is too good. How can we mess it up?" Well, kudos to you! You did it!

1. Waluigi - Multiple Mario Party and Sports Games

I'm very passionate in my hatred for Waluigi. As soon as I decided this would be my next top ten I already knew he would be number one. Hell, before I was born, when I was merely a twinkle in my parents' loins, I was destined to hate Waluigi. He is the epitome of terrible character design. I imagine his creation came about because Wario needed a tennis partner and since he was Mario's evil opposite, they figured they should do an evil Luigi. Now, Wario works, it is similar to Mario, but Wuigi doesn't really work at all so someone, probably while drunk, just threw a wa in front of Luigi. Then, they made him purple and lanky, and he bends in weird ways, and he is just terrible. So terrible I can't express it in words here. So terrible that he should be unmade. If he had only shown up in the one game, then his creation could almost....almost be forgiven. However, they love him so much at Nintendo that now he shows up in pretty much every party and sports game with his stupid face and grating voice.

Congratulations to Waluigi for being the worst character ever in the history of gaming. It's a feat that I pray will never be topped. He is the ultimate in bad everything.

Update?

I've been slacking in my blog posts lately. I'm going to finish a top ten list today but I just wanted to say that OH MY GOD LA NOIRE COMES OUT TOMORROW AND I WILL BE PLAYING IT AND IT WILL BE AWESOME AND I'M GOING TO COME ON HERE AND TELL EVERYONE ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS.

A Crysis of Kombat

It's been some great gaming since my last update. Got to play through Crysis 2, sink my teeth into some Mortal Kombat, and spend a little time with Outland on the XBLA.

Let's cover some Crysis 2 first. I was really happy with Crysis 2. Being a majority console gamer, I never played the original Crysis so I can't compare the two. I've read complaints that Crysis 2 was less open then the original but I didn't notice it. It definitely was not a corridor shooter by any means. There were some cramped spaces but a lot of the game was spent in open combat. The options presented to you are excellent. You enter a lot of battles from a raised vantage point. From there you can whip out your tac visor and mark enemies and ammo ahead of time, making them easier to spot and kill when the action gets going. Or, you can do what I did, which is cloak yourself, kill a couple guys, hide to build up energy, cloak again, kill again, rinse, repeat. Hell, there were whole parts of the game you can cloak and hide your way through without killing anyone. I like those kind of options in my games. Games should allow you to play the way you want instead of trying to mold the player to the game and Crysis does that very well.

It's a very pretty game too. One of the things Crysis was known for was graphical prowess and Crysis 2 does not disappoint. Scenery is lush and bright, buildings are sharp and well lit, enemies are very repetitive though. I honestly only remember fighting maybe 10 different enemies the entire game. It had a lot of deja vu moments as I shot and killed the same enemies in similar venues over and over again. It's probably the biggest fault of the game. Definitely not a deal breaker though.

The online play was really fun. I didn't spend a lot of time with it, but it was a unique enough experience that I didn't get bored at all. There is a lot more strategy involved then with standard shooters. The ability to cloak adds a nice level of subterfuge to the game. I found my best strategy was cloak, uncloak, shotgun. I was running a 4:1 kill ratio which, for me, is phenomenal.

Now to move on to one of the more anticipated titles of the year, Mortal Kombat. This is, I believe, the ninth game in the MK series. In the past they've taken some interesting paths with the franchise, a lot of them negative, but the word on the street was this game was going to bring the franchise back to its roots. I was one of the skeptical ones going in. The last game with MK in the title, MK vs. DC, left a bad taste in my mouth. After reading reactions and reviews though, I found myself excited enough to buy it and it was not a mistake. Mortal Kombat is fantastic. It's high speed, visceral combat at its finest. The game seriously harkens back to it's roots with some absolutely disgusting fatalities. The shock factor is back for Mortal Kombat in a big way.

Shocking fatalities alone would not make this game great. They've really changed the gameplay the right way in every direction. This is a much faster MK game. The character variety is excellent and devoid of any complete stinkers. They've trimmed a lot of the unnecessary fat from the roster. X-Ray attacks are awesome and brutal. The challenge tower is a nice time consuming addition. Some of the challenges later in the tower are tough, and it will take time and skill to climb it. The best addition has to be story mode. Instead of just tourney style combat, the story mode thrusts you into the narrative of Mortal Kombat, fighting predetermined battles on your way to unraveling the mystery of the tournament and Shao Kahn. The writing is nothing to get too excited about, but the mode itself is a very welcome addition to a genre that is generally devoid of any story.

Haven't had a chance to play online yet but I will soon. I want to work on learning some of the fighters before I take it to the internet to get my ass handed to me. I'll report on it some more with my next update.

Last game I want to talk about here is Outland. Outland is the most beautiful game I've seen on the XBLA. It's a very old school feeling platformer with some combat mixed in, but it's the graphics that will draw you in. I know graphics don't make a game great, but they can take a good game and put it over the top and that is what is going on with Outland. The most interesting part of the gameplay is the Ikaruga-esque color changing to absorb and attack enemies. At a later point in the game you gain the ability to switch between red and blue at will. When you are red you absorb red and damage blue and when you are blue you absorb blue and damage red. Makes perfect sense, right? There are parts of the game that involve dodging and absorbing projectiles, which makes a nice break from slash, slash, slash sword combat. I don't say this much, but Outland is a game worth checking out just for the style and graphics alone. The gameplay is what makes it worth buying though.

That's pretty much it for this update. Next time I look forward to discussing Mortal Kombat's online play, and more on Outland as I work my way through it. Look for another top 10 list between updates this time. Not sure of the subject yet but I'll come up with something.

If You Say Portal Too Much It Starts to Sound Weird

There were two big releases this week, Portal 2 and Mortal Kombat. I went to the video store with the intention of renting one of them. I studied the cases and decided to rent Mortal Kombat. I started walking to the counter still pondering my decision. I got to the counter with MK still in hand before I had a sudden change of heart and decided to go with Portal 2 at the last possible second. I'm not going to say I made the correct or incorrect decision, but it was a decision and it means I'm talking about my experience with Portal 2 here instead of Mortal Kombat.

I'm guessing I'm about halfway through the game with about 5 hours under my belt. Not too shabby. It's amazing how Portal 2 manages to maintain the fun of the original without it getting boring over the extra length of time. Now, Portal is not a game I've ever been able to play for endless hours non-stop. I'm good for about an hour or two then I have to give it a break. There isn't a ton of variety in Portal and after playing for awhile it does start to bore me a bit. However, after a break I'm back in and raring to go. The mind-bending puzzles are fantastic, and the dialogue in the game is perhaps the best I've ever heard. It's genuinely hilarious and I only wish there was more of it. I could go for some berating as I'm failing my way around a room trying to figure out how to aim a laser or where to place the latest light bridge.

I'm not going to talk at all about the story here. Hell, I'm not finished with it myself, but I don't want to take a chance on spoiling anything for a reader who hasn't played. It's good...and that's all I got to say about that.

I did finally finish Call of Duty: Fight Club the other day and if you've finished it then you would understand why I've given it that title. The end was a twist of sorts, but it wasn't terribly well done or interesting. Overall I would give Black Ops a solid ok for the single player experience. The best part about finishing it though was I finally gave some of the other modes a shot. Dead Ops: Arcade might be the best thing on the disc. It plays a hell of a lot like Smash TV and it's awesome. If you've never played Smash TV in any of its incarnations it is basically a top down shooter. Not unlike something along the lines of Geometry wars. One stick controls movement and the other controls the direction you are shooting. It's fast paced and fun. Best part of the game.

I've not done any coop Zombies mode so I don't want to knock it too much. As a single player experience I was left a little underwhelmed. Zombies break through walls and doors, you shoot them for points that you use to buy new weapons and open up new areas, then between rounds you have a limited time to repair the places they broke through. By yourself it just isn't that much fun, but I can see the potential in a multiplayer experience. Therefore, I won't say anything particularly bad about it. I will just grade it as an incomplete for now and bring it back up in a later post.

I want to spend a little bit of time talking about my most anticipated game of the next coming months, L.A. Noire. If you aren't hyped about this game they you haven't read enough about it or just hate things that are awesome. Here is a few links to help remedy this.

http://www.rockstargames.com/lanoire/agegate/ref/?redirect=

http://www.gametrailers.com/game/l-a-noire/3244

Read about it, watch some trailers then tell me it doesn't look amazing. I will then tell you that you are a liar. The technology used for facial capturing is amazing and being able to "read" faces to be able to tell if people are lying sounds awesome in theory. I hope it works as well as they say it will. Focusing on detective work instead of action is going to be what can put this game over the top. Action games are a dime a dozen, well written thought provoking adventure games are rare and this looks to be more in that vain. If everything comes out the way Rockstar says it will I can't imagine that L.A. Noire isn't going to be a game of the year contender. Rockstar is no Peter Molyneux...they don't have a habit of over hyping their games then removing or nerfing half of the features when the game is released.

Color me excited.

Top Ten Hardest Xbox 360 Achievements

This top ten list I've decided to highlight the hardest Xbox 360 achievements around. Some of these are borderline impossible while others take so much time you might die of old age while still working on them. The designers who sneaked in these achievements obviously hate people.

*Disclaimer* I do not have any of these achievements though I've attempted most of them. By the beard of Odin, I'm only a man.

HERE WE GO!

10. Dead Rising - 7 Day Survivor

7 days...just one week. You only need to survive for one week in a zombie and psycho infested mall. Also, your health is continually depleting...oh, and you can't save your game. It's a one shot deal. You die, power goes out, Xbox locks up, kangaroo kicks the power cord out of the wall, Mom bursts in your room and shuts off the box because you didn't finish your homework and you're always playing those damn games...anything that causes the game to go off and you have to start over. It's 2 hours per day so e , are talking about 14 hours straight. You can pause the game to take a break, but then you run the risk of something horrible happening.

The actual surviving might not be too hard...except there is a limited amount of precious health bar filling food in the mall. So not only so you need to contend with everything else, take too much damage while trying to survive and you can easily run out of time.

I made a few runs at this back when Dead Rising had first come out. I never made it past day 4.

9. Call of Duty 4 - Mile High Club

Despite being named after the mythical club of folks who have allegedly boned on an airplane, the Mile High Club achievement in Call of Duty 4 is an exercise in frustration and rage.

Mile High Club is a bonus mission on Call of Duty 4 that is unrelated to the rest of the game. You have to beat it on "veteran" difficulty, which is the hardest in the game, and you have one minute...that's right, one minute to accomplish this feat. Within this minute, you have to fight through about 30 guards on a commercial airliner to secure a hostage. You will die...lots. over and over again you will die. Then, when you slow it down a bit to survive, you will run out of time. Over and over again you will run out of time. Finding the balance between time and survival is key and it is damn hard to do. I worked on this achievement for about 3 hours before abandoning it forever. It's just one minute long so it isn't higher on the list. More skilled players might say this isn't that hard...they are liars.

8. Ninja Gaiden 2 - Way of the Master Ninja

Ninja Gaiden 2 is a jerk. There is no other way to describe it. The people who made are obviously misanthropes and wanted to figure out how they could best stick it to humanity. "Let's make a gorgeous game that is tons of fun...but let's make it as hard as possible." Bunch of jerks. Anyway, this achievement is for the simple task of beating the game on its hardest difficulty setting. That's all, just cut and ninja flip your way through throngs of multi-colored ninjas and werewolves and demons. Wade through rivers of blood as you hack through endless enemies all hell-bent on your demise. It's a really hard game on the easiest difficulty...when you turn up challenge the game becomes damn near impossible.

7. Rock Band 2 - Bladder of Steel

I'm pretty awesome on guitar. I can beat any song on expert and five star most. Learning to play an instrument on Rock Band isn't necessarily difficult on its own. There are the rhythmically challenged who will never be any good, but most people with a lot of practice can learn to beat the game on expert. This achievement is specifically about the time it takes. In order to get the Bladder of Steel achievement you have to not only beat the endless setlist, which is every on disc song in the game, but you can't fail a song, and...you can't pause the game. No pauses at all...using a wireless controller and the battery runs out...TOO BAD! 84 songs, 6 and a half hours, and no breaks. Plus, you have to have the skill to not fail. As good as I am on guitar, I still fail some of the really tough songs sometimes. I couldn't imagine being 6 hours in and failing on Painkiller. I'm pretty sure I would throw the guitar through the TV.

I've never had the opportunity to even try for this achievement. I have kids and a lack of Rock Band playing friends around to help. No way I would try solo. I want someone to be there to bail me out in case I screw up.

6. G.R.A.W. - World Champion

Ahhh....Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter. What a great title. First of all, you aren't just a fighter, you are a WARfighter. Plus, you're an advanced warfighter, not one of those basic warfighters. When this game first came out it was all of the rage. Primarily because it was one of the first really great online titles early in the 360's library of games. I can remember getting great groups of people together to shoot each other over the fat pipes of the internet. Anyway, I've not said much about the achievement yet because there isn't a whole lot to cover here. It's quite simple. In order to get this achievement, you just have to be the #1 ranked player on Xbox live. The #1 ranked player in the world. That's it. If you have any experience with games (and if you are reading my blog, I imagine you do) then you understand just how impossible this achievement is. I will never even come close to this nor will I ever know anyone who will come close to this. It's a ridiculous achievement.

5. Hexic - Grand Pearl Poo-Bah

Hexic is a really fun little game. It comes with every Xbox packed with a hard drive so pretty much everyone has played it. I've been playing it since I bought my Xbox in 2005. That's nearly 6 years of on and off Hexic. It's the perfect title for killing some time and relaxing. The idea is you rotate colored gems to make groups of three. If you can circle a single piece with all of one color, you make a silver star piece. Not that hard. You can easily make a bunch of them every game if you are careful. Now...if you can surround a single piece with silver stars...that's 6 silver stars arranged in a circle, you make a black pearl. I've managed to do this exactly 7 times. Over the course of 6 years I've made 7 black pearls. To get the Grand Pearl Poo-Bah achievement, you need to surround a single piece with 6 black pearls. 6 BLACK PEARLS!! I've only made 7 of them in 6 years and they expect you to make 6 in one game and move them into a circle pattern. Now, maybe I suck at Hexic and other people will tell you how they can do this in their sleep, but I've never met one. The great thing about Hexic though is it is a very fun game to play, so I'll keep trying. Maybe someday I'll make 2 black pearls in one game...I doubt it though.

4. Super Meat Boy - I'm a Golden God

Super Meat Boy is a game designed to be as hard as possible. However, because of how fast the game loads, it doesn't get boring or frustrating. You will die...a lot. I'm talking thousands and thousands of times. Most people will never finish it. They will either give up, or their hands will become so crippled they can't continue. To get the I'm a Golden God achievement, you need to 100% complete the game. That's find every bandage, beat every level, beat every bonus level, beat every hidden level, find everything in the game, and do it all with A+ scores. I can't express the difficulty of this game in words. You have to play it to understand. So, go play, then cry for awhile as you think about what this achievement entails. Then decide it is probably not worth the effort and move on to something else. Just don't bother with the next few achievements on this list either.

3. Star Ocean: The Last Hope - 100% Battle Trophies

Battle trophies are what they sound like. An award given for various combat events. Fight so many enemies, do so much damage, etc...There are exactly 900 to obtain. 100 for each of the 9 characters. None of them are particularly difficult to get on their own, but the sheer volume of them means the time required is absolutely ridiculous. I'm talking hundreds and hundreds of hours playing this relatively mediocre game just to obtain arbitrary awards for every character. It's a boring achievement and I'm forced to question the sanity of anyone who bothered getting it. I have zero intention of ever trying.

2. Final Fantasy XI - Reach lvl. 75 with any class

Ahhh...Final Fantasy XI. I've personally never played it on the Xbox, but I spent a fair amount of time playing it on PC back when it first came out. This is another one of those absolutely time consuming achievements. FFXI is designed to take forever to accomplish ANYTHING. Square wanted to make sure people kept paying to play because they went out and insured that anything you want to do in the game would be slow as hell. If I ever do an article on the 10 hardest games to get all the achievements in, this will be #1. Not only so you need to level one class to 75...you need to level all of them. This would literally take years. It's cumbersome and tiring and I just don't even want to think about it anymore. To anyone that manages to level one class to 75...kudos, I guess.

1. Mega Man 10 - Mr. Perfect

Oh, Capcom. Why do you hate us? Mega Man 10 is a piece of retro pie that is delicious to eat. Those of us who grew up playing the old Mega Man games immediately recognize 10 as a perfect retro title. Exactly as good as the old Mega Man games were. Mega Man games have always had their difficulties, and the new ones are no different. You need to try to figure out which boss weapons work on which bosses, kill all 8 bosses, then fight your way through Dr. Wily's lair, usually battle all the bosses again, then kill Wily. All this achievement wants you to do is beat the entire game...without getting hit. That's right, zero damage. Stray bullet hit you near the end of the game...START OVER. Mistime a jump and fall? START OVER. No damage, no hits, no mistakes from the beginning of the game to the end. It would be one thing if this was an easy game but it's Mega Man. It's quite difficult at times. Sadly, this is another achievement that I know my old, withered fingers will never get. As a matter of fact, check your friends list right now. Anyone that has this achievement is clearly a Cylon because no human can do it. TURN THEM IN TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES!